When an angry motorist paid his speeding fine, he held up the receipt and said to the cashier, “And what am I expected to do with this?”“Keep it’ replied the cashier with a smile, “When you get four of those, you can buy yourself a bicycle.”
Flea market:What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a flea?Bugs Bunny.
Bad taste:A missionary was about to be boiled and eaten by cannibals. “You won’t like me” said the missionary to the chief, “here try a piece.”He then cut a piece off the calf of his leg and handed it to the chief, who tasted it and spat it out with disgust. The missionary was set free and lived a long time with his cork leg.
Good Questions: Lawyers sometimes ask people strange questions during court cases.
* “How far were the cars apart when they collided?”
* “Were you alone or by yourself?”
* “Were you present when your picture was taken?”
* “How many times have you committed suicide?”
*“Did you kill yourself?”
Good advice:A doctor asked a patient,“Have you had any other advice on you complaint?”“Yes” replied the patient “I have consulted a natural healer.”“And what stupid advice did he give you?” demanded the doctor.“He told me to come and see you.” replied the patient.
Good dog:Dogs are man’s best friend.They never give advice, never borrow money and have no in-laws.
On the ball: A group of ministers formed a bowling team. They called themselves ‘The Holy Rollers’.
Healthy food:Why do French people like to eat snails?Because they don’t like fast food.
Correct title.“Name please”, demanded a stern Officer.“Sneeze” replied a Chinese man.“I don’t want any Australian nicknames,” snapped the Officer.“Okay, my name is “Ah Chew” replied the man.
Good cook.Wife: “I’ve made the chicken soup.”Husband:“What a relief, I thought it was for us.”
Sick cause.How did the man catch a cold?He just opened the window and ‘In-flu-enza’.
Nice dog.“Go in” said one man, “don’t be afraid of the dog, you can see his tail is wagging.”“Yes” replied the other man, “but he shows his teeth at the same time, and I don’t know which end to believe.”
Ding Dong.What is it that never asks any questions and yet you answer it every time?A doorbell.
Good news.A wife phoned her husband, “Dear, I have some good news and some bad news.”He replied,“Sorry, I am in the middle of a meeting.Just give me the good news.” “Well”, replied the wife, “the air bags in the car work perfectly.”
Lost Cat.A husband disliked his wife’s cat, so he decided to get rid of it.He drove about a kilometre and dropped the cat.When he arrived home, it was waiting at the door.Next time he went further, but the cat returned.Then he went further and further and each time the cat soon returned.At last he drove the cat along every winding road he could find before letting the cat go.Hours later he phoned and asked his wife, “Is the cat there?”“Yes”, replied the wife. “Well put him on the phone” said the husband, “because I am completely lost and can’t find my way home.”